I have never taken an active role against GBV but for all
intents and purposes, I really do not condone it. In fact, I do not condone
violence of any kind: man – woman, woman – child, child – dog etc. I believe
the only things that deserve to be squashed are flies, roaches and mosquitos,
pretty much because mosquito bites hurt like hell! Death to those tyrants!
In my view beating anyone is wrong. There are ways of
handling every issue that circumvent a beating. As a child and all through
adolescence I can proudly state that I have been involved in 6 physical
altercations at school. I never once extended my fist or open palm in retaliation.
Basically I got beaten up 6 times and never fought back. It was so bad my
parents felt I was a coward and urged me to fight back. Get it straight, I am
no coward, deep inside me a storm brews up in anger and I feel all the adrenalin
rushing to my hands but at the moment the eye of the storm is about to be
unleashed, I envision the detrimental effect of it; broken nose, jaw and teeth.
The thought of doing that to another human being holds me in check as said
human has their way with my handsomely sculpted delicate facial features and
ribs from which another part of me should emanate.
My sentiments are not altogether respected by every
individual however. Some people find it necessary and even appealing to knock
some sense brutally into their better halves. Of all the people I count as
friends, a few do throw punches at their spouses and much to my chagrin, I’m
beginning to sympathize with them. Before I explain why this is, I shall
provide a scenario I once witnessed at one police station.
A 16 year old frail girl stands by the bench I’m sitting on.
She’s in tears and the police are taking verbal jabs at her. Concerned, I pay
attention to the conversation and I discover that 2 days before, the girl came
in and filed a complaint against her husband. She claimed he hit her for not
putting enough salt in their meal. I’m sitting there trying to imagine if I was
dreaming this scenario or if it was really acting out before me. I think I may
have actually pinched myself. First, she looked so young I harbored doubts she
was 16. Second she claimed to be married!! I am 28 and I still haven’t had the
pleasure of betrothal. Third, who gets beaten up for not putting enough salt!
Silly reason to go to jail for in my opinion. If I’m to ever be incarcerated,
it would be because I swindled the nation of $850 billion worth of refined
unmarked and untraceable gold.
Anyhow, the girl was back apparently to retract her earlier
claims. Initially I thought it was because the husband had threatened to hit
her again but as it unfolded, I realized it was because she loved him and she
feared her report would get him jailed for a couple of months. Simply, the
thought of living those months without him brought her pleading in tears to the
station, begging that charges be dropped and the docket be destroyed.
Now back to my physically abusive friends; none of these
guys’ wives ever reported on them. Worst of all, when i visit their homes, the
treatment they receive from their wives and the stuff they get away with really
makes one speculate. Then comes Mr. Nice Guy, who treats his wife like the sun
rises from her behind and yet his wife walks all over him, treats him like an
unwanted rag and is most times rude to him. I mentioned to one of my friend
once how my girlfriend takes me for granted and uses me and he blatantly states
that I need to hit her. Apparently, women naturally need to be dominated and
ruthlessly punished when they try to dominate. That was his philosophy. Suffice
it to say, I listened but did not heed his advice. Today however, I’m wrecking
my brain trying to figure out where I’m getting it wrong and these guys are
getting it right, surely it cannot be the violence!
Scenario 1: Me
I’m a really sensitive, loving and emotionally endowed man. When
all is well, the woman dating me feels like the most loved woman alive. I
listen, I pay attention, I speak when she looks at me seeking a response and
most often than not, the response I give is the one she seeks. I take care of
my woman as best as I can and when lack arises, I usually step up efforts to
cover it and I usually succeed. I respect her needs both culturally,
spiritually, physically and emotionally and after they break up with me, they
seek me out to acknowledge that of me. My one fault is I never get to marry
them, but in my defence, the relationships don’t last long enough to get there.
At best, 6 months is all I get except in special circumstances.
Scenario 2: Wife-beating
friend
Having been friends all our lives, I’ve witnessed most of
his relationships. He was always the stern, rude, uncaring boyfriend. His
girlfriends would complain about him to me, beg me to talk to him, make him more
like me. I did try that, but he was still nasty towards his women. He did have
moments of passion and sweet talk particularly when he craved sexual favors but
half the time he was just plain mean. Sad to say, all these females pined after
him and boy did he cheat on them!! He eventually got married to one he claimed
to love and now he hits her! I would assume that should make her wake up but
no, he is her lord. She literally flushes after he is done using the little
boys’ wee wee room and adores him to death!
Pardon my confusion but ladies I’m starting to see a trend
here. At some point in my life (one I’m not so proud of), I was almost always
drunk. From morning until bed time I would be inebriated daily. I had a
position of authority at work and the students claimed I was a better teacher
drunk than sober. Did I mention the average pass-rate of 94%? I had women
falling over themselves to get at me but I was inwardly crying over a recent
heartbreak so I wasn’t exactly nice to them. To date, I have never had so many
ladies want me all at once as at that time. Heartbreak healed, I became the
sentimental nice guy again and all my fans disappeared. In fact, the next girl I
got serious with cheated on me!
It’s so sad to say that as it stands, if I’m to have the
kind of marriage that I envision, I have to conform and treat women like
trash.-Then again, if I treat them that way, It’s no longer the marriage I envision.
My very own custom designed vicious circle
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